Eagles Electric Chair: Hey Pope, Welcome To Hell


The most comprehensive weekly look at the Philadelphia Eagles on the internet. 


It’s a big week for Philadelphia.

The most highly touted Argentinian to grace our presence since Pepe Sanchez was balling on north Broad Street. People are already cranky about Pope Francis shutting down the city for the weekend and after watching the Eagles defecate on the field yesterday, forgive us Mr. Pope, but don’t expect some of that Brotherly Love you’ve been hearing so much about.

You see, Frankie, Chip Kelly’s squad is the lifeblood of this city. When things are good, people are friendly. You smile to the guy wearing the Eagles cap as you pass him on the street, you break down team’s offense over lunch with complete strangers and dream of what it would be like to have one of those Lombardi trophies make its home at Lincoln Financial Field.

But when things get bad, they get ugly. I’m not sure if you have NFL Sunday Ticket at the Vatican, but the Eagles have looked like a poor excuse for an NFL team yesterday, not the Super Bowl contender many thought they would be.

Our quarterback, a former number one overall draft pick, had trouble finding receivers down the field, our Pro Bowl stable of running backs had no room, thanks to porous offensive line. Oh yeah, and all of this happened in the team’s home opener against their biggest rival.

Let us not forget, this Cowboys team is crippled too. No Dez Bryant, Rolando McClain, Greg Hardy, Randy Gregory or Orlando Scandrick for the time being and quarterback Tony Romo had his collarbone broken by rookie Jordan Hicks, but still the Eagles looked like they had no business being on the same field as Dallas.

But is all hope lost for the Eagles? With Romo and Bryant both sidelined for at least the next six weeks, the Cowboys aren’t in great shape. The Kirk Cousins-led Redskins somehow pulled off a victory over the same St. Louis Rams, who beat the Seattle Seahawks last week, and the New York Football Giants seem incapable of playing 60 minutes of quality football.

So maybe the fact that the Eagles had a reality check in mid-September is a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is a wake up call and the team shows up at MetLife Stadium Sunday afternoon, ready to lay the smackdown on the Jets and gain some momentum heading into a divisional showdown against Washington.

But the fans here have been burned one too many times to believe in that narrative. They know better than to get their hopes up or look on the bright side, especially after such an abysmal performance like the one that took place at the Linc yesterday.

I hope you understand, Pope, but look at it this way: It wouldn’t be a proper Philadelphia experience if we weren’t all pissed off anyway.


Kiko Alonso – Alonso left the game midway through the second quarter with pain in his left knee and is scheduled for an MRI today. It is worrisome, considering that he missed all of last season with a torn ACL in that same knee and he was held out of the third preseason game with tendinitis in that knee. Hopefully there isn’t any ligament damage and Alonso can make a speedy recovery, but the Eagles must be prepared for him to miss an extended period of time.

Mychal Kendricks – Kendricks pulled his hamstring chasing Lance Dunbar on a wheel route down the sideline and immediately headed back to the locker room. This is the second straight year Kendricks has suffered a soft tissue injury during week two after straining a calf muscle against the Colts last season. Hopefully these injuries aren’t a part of a continuing trend, but unlike torn ligaments and broken bones, reoccurring soft tissue injuries are a sign of injury proneness.

Marcus Smith – Smith was listed as probable for yesterday’s game, but was once again held out. It is unclear if it was due to his health, or uninspiring play, but with the Eagles now depleted at linebacker his number may soon be called.

Seyi Ajirotutu – Toots left the Atlanta game in the first quarter after a big collision on a punt. He still has yet to pass concussion protocol and I doubt he will be ready to play anytime soon.


3.3 – The Eagles averaged 3.3 inches per rush. That’s not good. Actually, scratch that, 3.3 yards per rush isn’t good. 3.3 inches is downright putrid.

6 – Only six teams since 1948 have had fewer rushing yards than the Eagles 70 through two games. For a team that was expected to lean heavily on the run to help their quarterback, the offensive line and running backs better get it together this week, or the fans will want to see blood.

40:30 – The Eagles defense was on the field for over 40 minutes yesterday. I don’t care if you’re the ’85 Bears, you can’t win when that’s the case. It actually makes it even more impressive the defense surrendered just 13 points, especially after they were picked apart in their season opener.


The Tim Tebow Award For Quarterback IneptitudeSam Bradford

Hell, at least Tebow could make plays with his legs and wasn’t afraid to take shots down the field. Bradford was captain checkdown yesterday, not taking any chances down the field. Also, he threw a terrible interception in the end zone.

Participation TrophyChris Maragos

Two weeks of being the safety in the Eagles nickel package and Maragos has yet to record any sort of stat. No tackles, no pass breakups, nothing. I mean eventually someone trips over you or something, right? Maragos also missed a rusher on the blocked punt. Not a good day for the special teamer.


  • The “Chip Kelly Offensive Genius” stigma sure has worn off, hasn’t it? I don’t yet subscribe to the theory that the rest of the league has caught up to him, but I think he truly undervalued how important it is to have a good offensive line. Unlike last year, this group is the best they have, but Jason Peters looks old, Andrew Gardner and Allan Barbre look inept, and Jason Kelce and Lane Johnson haven’t popped off the screen yet. Hopefully this group can pull it together or else Murray will have a hard time reaching 100 yards, let alone 1000.
  • Another thing that Kelly the GM didn’t value was playing time in the preseason. I understand he doesn’t want his team ravaged by injuries, but it takes more than four drives for an offense to get on the same page, especially an offense with so many new faces. I wouldn’t be surprised if this transition phase carries on for the next few weeks.


The Eagles will try to shake off their first two losses and head to  the Meadowlands to take on the New York Jets. The Jets are 1-0 and play against the Colts tonight on Monday Night Football. Former Eagles defensive coordinator Todd Bowles is in his first season as head coach and although their week one victory came against the Cleveland Browns, Cleveland took it to Marcus Mariota and the Tennessee Titans yesterday and after what the Eagles showed us, they can’t afford to take any opponent lightly.

Next: Kiko Alonso to Have MRI on Knee Monday

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