Joel Embiid’s personnel chef is the Philadelphia 76ers’ MVP

The Philadelphia 76ers may be getting a major bump from a personal chef.

Since, well, since he first took the court for the Philadelphia 76ers for Game 1 of the 2016-17 season, detractors and ‘fans’ alike have had one major critique of the enigmatic two-way center affectionately known as Joel ‘The Process’ Embiid: Fat.

Yup, he’s a certified fatty; a 280-pound big man who in actuality probably weighs well over 300 based on how he lumbers up and down the court. His conditioning – or lack thereof – prevents the team from optimizing Ben Simmons’ full-court speed, and his lack of cardiovascular training often results in the not-quite-7-footer lumbering over on the sideline to catch his breath between plays.

Personally, I’ve never quite subscribed to this philosophy, as Embiid is inarguably the best center in the NBA with a Hall of Fame ceiling, but that’s been the narrative for the last four, going on five years, and barring a massive change of fate, it probably won’t change anytime soon.

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Keyword probably.

That’s right, while some Embiid haters will forever call Under Armour’s second-biggest basketball endorser out of shape, Arthur’s dad actually has taken steps to get his body right for the 2020-21 season – an abbreviated season that could feature more back to backs and fewer breaks between games – going so far as to hire a personal chef to finally get his body right.

That’s right, gone are the days of scarfing down brownies, binging on junk food, and mainlining Shirley Temples straight into his bloodstream, and in their place, Embiid can expect a steady diet of… Salmon? Kale? Eggs? I’m not really sure what personal chefs make exactly, but it’s pretty safe to say they’ll be making things that are healthier than Mountain Dew Hot Sauce – which is an actual thing the two parties came up with as part of Embiid’s admittedly hilarious Moutain Dew endorsement campaign.

In the not too distant future, ‘The Processed One’ will only apply to Embiid’s time playing under Brett Brown, not his exclusive diet of unhealthy eats.

Now granted, it’s unclear how helpful having a personal chef will be during the forthcoming NBA season, as teams will be on the road fairly frequently and may be asked to eat more of their meals in team facilities to avoid external contact with the potentially infected. Embiid’s new diet may simply be a vacation from his old ways, and he’ll be back to scarfing down McDonald’s on an exercise bike Charles Barkley-style before the Sixers hit 2021, but have you seen Embiid’s press pictures in lieu of the forthcoming season? He’s looking pretty healthy, in my humble opinion.

Excuse the slideshow, but Embiid looks every bit 280 in the team’s ‘rosteral’ slideshow and lacks any of the noticeable pudgy-ness you’d typically associate from an overweight player.  I’d dare to say Embiid looks borderline fit at this point, which his aforementioned personal chef should print on his business card to land future gigs.

Boy, Brett Brown must be kicking himself on some foggy, far off Boston and/or Australian beach right now.

If Joel Embiid comes out firing on all cylinders and provides a spark akin to his blisteringly hot 2016-17 rookie season, it’ll go a long way to giving the Philadelphia 76ers the firepower they need to return to the upper rounds of the NBA playoffs. And if he can do so because of a streamlined body and better conditioning, well, the entire City of Brotherly Love should band together and get his chef a massive Wawa gift card, as he’s the real MVP.