Philadelphia Eagles: ‘Twas the game before Christmas

With apologies to Clement C. Moore, a reworking of his famous poem is in order for the Philadelphia Eagles and their fans for Sunday’s game against the Dallas Cowboys.

‘Twas the game before Christmas, when all through the Linc

Eagles fans were all stirring, having too much to drink;

The NFC East title was on the line,

And I hoped that St. Carson could do it this time.

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The Birds’ fans were restless, not snug in their beds,

While visions of playoffs danced in their heads;

With Doug in his visor and I in my cap,

It was time to deliver a beatdown to Dak.

When out on the field there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.

Away to the radio I flew with great ease,

Turned off Buck and Aikman and cranked up Merrill Reese.

The moon on the face of old Jerry Jones,

Made it seem he was just a collection of bones,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

Fletcher Cox showing up for the first time this year.

With a hungry defense that looked lively and quick,

Getting quarterback pressure and even a pick.

More rapid, these Eagles, got throughout the game,

And Jim Schwartz managed to accomplish his aim.

“Now, Bradham! Now, Jenkins! Now, Darby and Mills!

Cost Jason Garrett his job so he can’t pay his bills.

To the top of this awful division we’ll go!

Keeping Dallas’ title count this century at zero!”

As crazed fans tailgate in the lot,

Let’s take care of the Cowboys and leave them to rot;

So onto the field then the Eagles they flew,

With Pederson’s playbook, and St. Carson too.

And then, in a twinkling, I saw in the box

Jerry Jones’ distress at the dominance of Cox.

The abhorrent sight of Jerry the clown,

Assured me that Dallas was going to go down.

The Eagles took control from the opening kick,

To the greatest delight of Merrill and Mike Quick;

“Make Herr’s yours”, Mike Quick said, crunching into a chip,

While Miles Sanders gave Dallas’ defense the slip.

The Birds – how they played great! The gameplan was solid!

As they sent the ‘Boys back to Big D – which is squalid!

Former Cowboys like Michael Irvin dismayed,

They must not have made sure that the refs had been paid.

The ball slung by Carson had accuracy and zip,

I can’t wait for Monday morning on WIP;

People will say they believed all along,

Never admitting that Carson had just proved them wrong.

His knee and his back had held up all year,

And I sighed in relief since I had no more fear;

Despite losing Jackson, Jeffery, Howard and more,

Carson still found the way through the postseason door.

He spoke not a word, his arm and brain did the work,

And he even impressed Howard Eskin – a jerk.

Then pointing a finger skyward in thanks,

He’d carried the Birds into the playoff ranks;

He earned quite a victory, to his team gave the credit,

If you wagered on Dallas, you shouldn’t have bet it,

I heard Carson exclaim, as he earned all those bucks,

“Merry Christmas to Philly, and Dallas…stinks.”

Because I don’t want to start a potential fight with my editor, but you get the drift.