Comparing the It: Chapter Two trailer to Philadelphia Sports

In honor of the “It: Chapter 2” trailer release, it’s time to have a little fun, and see how this could relate to Philadelphia sports.

Something scary is coming to town, and I just want to be clear that I’m not talking about the 2019-20 Philadelphia Flyers season.

No, I’m referring to It: Chapter Two, the sequel to the 2017 film that’s a remake of the 1990 TV mini-series that’s adapted from the 1986 novel, so you get the idea.

In watching this teaser trailer unfold, I was struck by the numerous ways in which it could be related back to Philadelphia sports, which are of course always at the forefront of my mind when I’m doing anything.

So, grab a pair of devices, open up multiple windows, or watch/read in whatever weird order you want as I break down what unfolds in the first official teaser trailer for It: Chapter Two along with having a little fun by connecting it to Philly sports.

• The clip starts and we’re immediately greeted by wonderful actress Jessica Chastain. She was great in the film Molly’s Game, in which she played the sister of former Philadelphia Eagles horrible draft pick Jeremy Bloom. You’ll notice that he doesn’t even have his own page on Pro Football Reference because he never played a down in the NFL. So we’re off to a good start.
• When I see Miss Chastain, I’m reminded of the first time I saw her on the big screen, in a film called The Debt, which is also what the Flyers owe to their fans. She’s also been in other movies such as Take Shelter (which is what you should do if Gabe Kapler runs out of coconut oil), The Help (which is what Tobias Harris was supposed to be for the Philadelphia 76ers) and Woman Walks Ahead (which sounds like some sort of lame Bryan Colangelo excuse).
• Moving on, a seemingly kind old lady lets Jessica in (I know her character has a different name), and she proceeds to pick through some old mementos. Then, at the 34-second mark, something eerie happens way in the background. Either the old lady turns into some kind of monster, or we’re witnessing Flyers goalie Michal Neuvirth suffering his latest injury. Honestly, it’s hard to tell.
• “You feel like you could just about die.” Attention, Flyers marketing department. Slogan alert.
• From the 1:11 mark to 1:15, this is how every Philadelphia Phillies fan looked during the Ryne Sandberg era.
• At 1:24, we get a glimpse of some sort of nastiness on the old lady’s chest, most likely something she contracted from coming in contact with Joel Embiid.
• We hear that the lady’s “father came to this country with $14 in his pocket.” Almost enough for a Bud Light at the Wells Fargo Center.
• At 1:57, we see an old photo that’s either her dad or former Sixer Tyrone Hill. Too chilling for words.
• Neuvirth shuffles by again at 1:59.
• A horrifying creature with long, pale legs staggers toward Beverly. Good to see Shawn Bradley still finding work.
• At 2:23, Bill Hader declares “This meeting of the Losers Club has officially begun.” He lifted this quote directly from new Flyers head coach Alain Vigneault‘s first address to the team.
• At 2:35, they somehow got footage of me dealing with the fact that Andrew MacDonald‘s contract still has one year left on it.
• At 2:39, we see someone struggling in a veritable ocean of blood. Or maybe Odubel Herrera hit a walkoff home run and all the Phillies had was red Gatorade to dunk him with.
• A single clap, which is one more than Adam Eaton received at the 2008 World Series parade or subsequent celebrations.
• In the final shot, we finally get a clean look at the evil and hideous Pennywise. Fair warning, you just know that the Flyers are going to rework this and put Gritty in there. It’s really all they have going for them. I’m sure they’ll even write his name out as grITty. They’re clever like that.

Anyway, I can’t wait to be utterly terrified by this movie. In the meantime, I’m sure the local teams will scare me enough to fill the void until it comes out.